With any creative endeavor there comes some amount of risk. For the most part there is not much I can name in the way of “dangerous” risks–especially not unavoidable ones–but every artist has a lot riding on their work, and they are frequently placed in situations that can lead to heavy judgement. When you share your work in any way, even if it is with just one person, you are sharing a piece of yourself. And it is terrifying. You feel oddly exposed, and oftentimes you might feel like nothing you produce is good enough.
Unfortunately, there are many things to be afraid of when you’re a writer.
Fear of failure is probably first on the list for most. It’s hard to think about the possibility that you might never meet your goals or follow your dreams; that you’ll be stuck at that dead-end job for the rest of your life because your passions were just too far away for you to reach. And it’s even harder to consider the possibility that anything you create will simply be ignored at best by the rest of the world, and be thought of as garbage at the very worst. It’s hard imagining yourself struggling to get by because what you’re passionate about won’t pay the bills. It’s hard thinking about “being found out:” about people realizing that you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing or what you’re talking about, and everyone will finally know that you’re a total fraud. And, of course, it’s always hard to stomach the thought that some people will dislike your work–maybe even hate it.
There is a lot to be afraid of when you’re a creator. All of the above are things that would go on my list of fears as an artist. But oddly enough I think my worst fear as a writer is one that wouldn’t frequently appear on anybody’s top ten list. My worst fear as an author is accidental plagiarism.
I read an article years ago about a young woman who published her first novel… only to be called out later on the fact that half of her descriptions and lines of dialogue were taken from one of her favorite books. And the most unsettling thing about this story for me is that–at least, according to the young author–this happened completely without her knowledge. It was all done on a subconscious level.
Talk about feeling like a fraud.
There’s a meme floating around the internet featuring a writer sitting at their computer and more or less thinking to themselves: “Wow, this is good. …Did I plagiarize it?” And while in one way it’s quite a funny meme because of its realism, in another way it’s also kind of distressing. My greatest fear is being so bad a writer that anything even decent in my writing is only that way because I picked it up from a much better story. My greatest fear is to finally get a book out into the world and have my readers find it full of lines I picked up from other stories. Stories by authors I admired. Stories I wished I’d had the talent to write.
In all honesty, I don’t know how to combat this fear. It’s very hard to find a plagiarism checker for works of fiction. I suppose all I can really do is try to check myself every time I feel like I’ve heard that line somewhere before, and otherwise hope for the best. Keep my fingers crossed. And do everything I possibly can to find my own voice amid all the others floating around in here…
Night Owls, what are your fears as a creator?
